Plan Ahead
Bereaved individuals who experience the most difficulty with the holiday season are those who have given little thought to the challenges they will encounter. Consider ahead of time what may be expected of you, both socially and emotionally, as well as your own preferences.
Accept Your Limitations
Grief consumes most of your available energy no matter what the season. The holidays place additional demands on your time and emotions. Plan to lower expectations to accommodate current needs.
Make Changes
Your circumstances have changed. Expect to make necessary alternatives in holiday plans to accommodate those changes. Consider changing your surroundings, rituals, and/or traditions to diminish stress.
Trim Down to Essentials
Limit social and family commitments to suit your available energy. Shop early, use on-line sales or consider gift cards. Re-evaluate priorities and forego unnecessary activities and obligations.
Ask For and Accept Help
Accept offers for assistance with holiday shopping, decorating, cleaning, cooking, etc. Chances are loved ones are looking for ways to lessen your burden at this time of year. Allow those who care about you to offer their support in concrete ways.
Inform Others of Your Needs
Give family and friends the tools they need to help you through the holidays. Be specific with them about your preferences and desires, and keep them up to date when those needs change.
Build in Flexibility
Learn to “play it by ear”. There is no concrete formula for dealing with loss. You are the foremost authority on what is best for you, and your needs may legitimately change from day to day. Take each moment as it comes.
Give Yourself Permission “To Be”
Grieving is nature’s way of healing the mind and heart from the greatest injury of all. Expect fluctuations in mood and perspective. We are never “over it” but the experience of many bereaved is that eventually they enjoy the holidays again.
Hold on to HOPE!
Submitted by Loraine Stear, MSW, ACSW Angela Hospice Bereavement Volunteer
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