I have always been partial to the traditional Lord’s Prayer:
“Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.”
Ever since I was in grade school, I have been fascinated with the word ‘trespass.’ To refresh my memory, I took a photo of the explanation of ‘trespass’ from the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
My fascination with the word started when I truly understood what it means to “forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us.” To be clear, I was a complete worrywart as a child. I fretted over everything. And my biggest worry was always that I hadn’t truly forgiven someone; thus, I wasn’t forgiven, too. As you can imagine, most of these transgressions, for a bunch of 8-10 year olds, were relatively minor. But…
…What is that old saying? Hind sight is 20-20? I had no idea what that word (trespass) would come to mean to me. You see, my worrywart years prepared me for one of the hardest things I’ve ever survived.
On July 1, 2020, I tested positive for Covid.
A little bit of backstory, I have several autoimmune diseases, but the important disease for this story is that I have the Common Variable Immunodeficiency Disease or CVID. It means that I am very susceptible to illnesses. Every week, I take an IgG infusion to replenish my IgG levels to, hopefully, increase my immune system. I was taught to give myself this infusion (it’s a 4 point sub-Q infusion with a pneumatic pump) because my doctors did not want me to take the chance of picking up an illness from the hospital or an infusion facility.
So, as you can imagine, when Covid started being a concern, my doctors informed me that acquiring this virus could be very bad for me. As a mom of four, I took this very seriously, and we immediately locked down our home. I only let the kids play in the backyard; I ordered from online sources and sprayed everything that came into our home with a disinfectant spray. I did everything I could to keep myself safe. And, yes, I fretted…Apparently, I had every reason to fret.
You see, I acquired Covid from someone that knew my situation. When they asked for a favor, I said as long as you’ve been quarantining. The answer was “of course we’ve been quarantining.” I quickly learned that was not true. They had actually been meeting with their neighbors and such unmasked. To make it worse, this person was family. They knew my illnesses and they knew I had four young children. We were in shock when they tested positive while moving into our home to make things easier for them.
As I said earlier, I tested positive on July 1, 2020.
Thankfully, I had a very mild case. The person that gave it to me and my husband were much sicker. Two of the kids tested positive, but it was really just a couple of days of fever for them.
At day 14, I was declared clear and my doctors and I could not believe that I had so few issues with Covid. It was very mild: minor cough and a general feeling of malaise. I was very thankful.
Unfortunately, one week later, I woke up with a splitting headache. It was a tough one, but I was familiar with migraines and Lupus headaches, so I didn’t think much of it. Usually, I can sleep those type of headaches off.
Instead, I woke up with a headache that was much worse. Still not concerned as I had not taken any prescription migraine medicines, I quickly took one and went back to sleep. When I woke up again and the headache was worse, I put a call into my rheumatologist. He told me to try one more thing, but if that did not work to get myself to an urgent care because they didn’t want me at the hospital if possible.
It did not work.
I immediately went to the urgent care and their IV medicines also did not work. At this point, the urgent care doctor said that I needed to get to the ER as fast as possible. He called ahead to the closest ER and they were waiting for me when I arrived. I went straight to the triage area. While I’m sitting there, my face did one of the classic stroke symptoms - one side of my face drooped.
There’s not a lot I remember that day - other than the overhead PA system screeching for a stroke cart in the ER. I was in the MICU for 8 days.
Because Covid was so misunderstood at the time, I spent months after being released from the hospital having MRIs and arterial scans. In April of the next year, they finally ruled my diagnosis as a massive stroke due to post-Covid inflammation.
To this day, it’s hard for me to talk about, but I do because I find that every time I say what happened to me - I find healing for my soul.
I was angry for a long time - at the situation and the person.
I worried internally because of my appreciation for the Lord’s Prayer. I worried that I was not being a good Christian. What I’ve come to learn is that forgiveness works like healing. We have to work at forgiveness to make our Faith stronger and more available to us. We have to work at understanding that God has a plan. And we have to remember that we are all sinners. We have to remember that we all have our faults and that we must do our best everyday to put our sin away - especially feelings of being done wrong.
It took me almost 2 years to reach this conclusion, but, after all of this, I have become a happier person that respects the understanding of The Lord’s Prayer and all it conveys.
His will be done,
Sonja Brannon
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